The Pasadena Plastic Bag Ban And How Pasadena Snob Will Profit

For months, vile rumors of some kind of ridiculous, hippy dippy plastic bag ban have circulated in Pasadena.

Supposedly, this is to help the environment…somehow.  Meanwhile, 90% of everything you buy at the grocery store is made of plastic or has some kind of plastic in it.  But that’s OK; you just can’t put it in a plastic bag anymore.

If you have been talking to supermarket cashiers, you will have noticed a tremendous amount of confusion about where this ban is and is not in effect, and when it would be in place.  This is to be expected, since supermarket cashiers are a) hourly employees and b) members of unions.  So you cannot realistically expect them to be “on the ball” in this matter.

Of course, the plastic bag ban is yet another brilliant, well thought out idea by those seeking to turn Pasadena into Santa Monica.

It’s not like the grocery stores will pass along the extra cost to the consumer, right?  And you’ll never forget to bring your stupid hemp made bag with you when you need groceries, right?  And this won’t mean more paper bags are used, which means less trees, etc., right?  We guess trees are out of fashion this year?  And faddish government intervention never has unintended consequences, either, correct?

But all of this is fine, and in fact we enjoy it.  Because…

…as you may or may not know, Pasadena Snob is a for-profit institution headed by a Board of Trustees. Once the ban was announced, The Board immediately sprang into action in order to profit from this latest act of governmental folly (we also own several public housing development companies, by the way).

Our plan: amass and hoard as many plastic bags as possible, and then resell them for a high price to plastic-bagless saps in East Pasadena once the ban is in effect.

Just how did we amass our hoard, you ask?  When asked, “Paper or plastic?” by the checkout person at the supermarket, for several months now we have replied, “Plastic.  23 bags please.  I have to walk home and don’t want the bags to break.”  Since the checkout people are unionized (see above) they do not care about their business’ bottom line and have been all too happy to oblige.

plastic bag ball

By these means, we have stockpiled several thousand plastic bags (see photo above) and have recruited “former” drug dealers from the North Fair Oaks area to spearhead our distribution efforts.

So: if you see someone shady lurking outside of the Walgreens or Vons on Sierra Madre mumbling “bags…bags…”, they are not referring to bags of narcotics for sale.  Rather, this will be one of our plastic bag dealers looking to sell you some plastic bags.

plastic bag ban pasadena

Plastic bags will be sold for $5 each.  Quite a bargain.  First one is free!  Just for you, though.  Make sure you hit us up the next time you need a good bag!

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4 Responses to The Pasadena Plastic Bag Ban And How Pasadena Snob Will Profit

  1. Ray Gee May 7 at 6:09 pm #

    So in Pasadena it is okay to have a corrupt Police Department, a Mayor and City Council that will sell the city out to both the NFL and any developer that wants to build a “mixed use” building with taxpayer money but you, the common folk, have rigid laws that require to use a filthy re-usable bag made in China of God knows what to bring home groceries. The science on this issue is clear, plastic grocery bags take less room in landfills and are made from the gasses you see burning off at refineries. It is MUCH better for the environment to use these bags. If you want to stop the bags from piling up on the streets evict the homeless they are the ones leaving them there. Everyone I know uses these bags at least one more time before properly disposing of them.
    So when we see plastic bags on the street remember that you your city council person has let you down by passing another ineffective law that accomplishes nothing.
    Good job morons. Sorry I don’t have enough bribe money for you next campaign, maybe that could have convinced you not to enact this ban.
    Oh,one more thing La Canada is near by. I think I’ll do my grocery shopping there from now on…

    • pasadenasnob May 18 at 10:47 pm #

      ..…may God bless you, sir!

  2. helen bowdine June 13 at 10:00 am #

    Honestly i didn’t know this lunacy had hit pasadena. as a 20 year resident i have already stopped visiting OLD TOWN because they have an army of traffic cops handing out tickets for ANY reason. I have also STOPPED shopping at the Paso “mall” after the same City Council gave $100,000,000 of tax money to simply take the roof “off” of the old mall and build some over priced condos ALL INTHE NAME OF “MULTIPLE USE HOUSING.” Seriously, who wants to live OVER A SHOPPING MALL? Buy we paid for that too. Then i stopped going to the so called “Rose Parade,” because the the same city council BANNED SILLY STRING! Seriously sane, adult men banned silly string.
    Today the same 6 men took it upon themselves to BAN PLASTIC BAGS! WHY? For those “greenie weinies” let me explain it this way, FROM THIS DAY FORWARD YOUR DAUGHTER HAS TO CARRY HER TAMPONS INHER HAND THROUGH A PARKING LOT FULL OF WEIRDOS. From this day forward you have carry your condoms and VAGINAL WASH in your hands. WHY? BECAUSE 6 MEN DECLARED THEMSELVES GOD OVER 300,000 PEOPLE.
    First they took your toilets. Then they took your light bulbs. Next they are trying to BAN WIRE COAT HANGERS. THAT IS TRUE! NOW WE CAN’T EVEN HAVE A LOUSY PLASTIC BAG?
    HERE IS MY RESPONSE: I WILL NEVER BUY ANYTHING IN PASADENA. I WILL NOT SHOP HERE. THERE IS A RALPHS IN ARCADIA. I WILL NOT BUY ANYTHING IN PASADENA. EVER! It is time we the people make a stand. There isn’t a single piece of evidence that plastic bags HARM anyone or anything. So, the next time you buy tomatoes and you are left carrying your veggies to your car through a Ralph’s parkinglot ful of bums, drug dealers and weirdos, remember, YOU ARE BEING HELD UNDER THE HEEL OF 6 TYRANTS WHO HAVE DECIDED TO EXERCISE CONTRO, OVER THE LIVES OF 300,000 PEOPLE!
    helen bowdine

  3. ichigobatakekakashi September 2 at 12:56 pm #

    I had not idea they banned plastic bags in Pasadena until I went shopping yesterday.

    I thought the cashier was joking when she asked me if I needed bags for my several bottles of huge soda. How was I supposed to carry all those bottles without plastic bags?

    And if you want bags, they will sell you paper bags 10c a piece. Those paper bags with no handles are not going to hold bottles!

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