For months, vile rumors of some kind of ridiculous, hippy dippy plastic bag ban have circulated in Pasadena.
Supposedly, this is to help the environment…somehow. Meanwhile, 90% of everything you buy at the grocery store is made of plastic or has some kind of plastic in it. But that’s OK; you just can’t put it in a plastic bag anymore.
If you have been talking to supermarket cashiers, you will have noticed a tremendous amount of confusion about where this ban is and is not in effect, and when it would be in place. This is to be expected, since supermarket cashiers are a) hourly employees and b) members of unions. So you cannot realistically expect them to be “on the ball” in this matter.
Of course, the plastic bag ban is yet another brilliant, well thought out idea by those seeking to turn Pasadena into Santa Monica.
It’s not like the grocery stores will pass along the extra cost to the consumer, right? And you’ll never forget to bring your stupid hemp made bag with you when you need groceries, right? And this won’t mean more paper bags are used, which means less trees, etc., right? We guess trees are out of fashion this year? And faddish government intervention never has unintended consequences, either, correct?
But all of this is fine, and in fact we enjoy it. Because…
…as you may or may not know, Pasadena Snob is a for-profit institution headed by a Board of Trustees. Once the ban was announced, The Board immediately sprang into action in order to profit from this latest act of governmental folly (we also own several public housing development companies, by the way).
Our plan: amass and hoard as many plastic bags as possible, and then resell them for a high price to plastic-bagless saps in East Pasadena once the ban is in effect.
Just how did we amass our hoard, you ask? When asked, “Paper or plastic?” by the checkout person at the supermarket, for several months now we have replied, “Plastic. 23 bags please. I have to walk home and don’t want the bags to break.” Since the checkout people are unionized (see above) they do not care about their business’ bottom line and have been all too happy to oblige.
By these means, we have stockpiled several thousand plastic bags (see photo above) and have recruited “former” drug dealers from the North Fair Oaks area to spearhead our distribution efforts.
So: if you see someone shady lurking outside of the Walgreens or Vons on Sierra Madre mumbling “bags…bags…”, they are not referring to bags of narcotics for sale. Rather, this will be one of our plastic bag dealers looking to sell you some plastic bags.
Plastic bags will be sold for $5 each. Quite a bargain. First one is free! Just for you, though. Make sure you hit us up the next time you need a good bag!People found this page looking for: pasadena bag ban, pasadena plastic bag ban, plastic bag ban pasadena